the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
