where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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