I will die if light touches me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
