D3 body, D1 cock
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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