We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
