My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
