How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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