AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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