i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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