This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
