OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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