fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
