if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
