Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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