drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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