Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
