Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
