i was born a porn star she said
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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