I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
