I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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