he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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