Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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