you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
