Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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