Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
