bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
