hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
