ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
