Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
