girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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