Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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