so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
