Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
