Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i believe in u and ur pee
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
