She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
