the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
