I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
