there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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