doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
