You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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