U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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