I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
