I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize