The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
