That's intense
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
