i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
