I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
