okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
