The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
