and you said cock pushups were impossible
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
