there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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